So there I was crying in the bathroom and feeling sorry for myself yet again. Each glimpse in the mirror I had of myself was a reminder of my identity stolen, lost and taken away from me. Why me? I would get in the shower and clog it up with copious amounts of hair strands and I would dry myself with a towel and again more hair! I would even comb my wet hair softly but the horror of seeing my scalp becoming more visible was the most heart breaking moment for me! The idea of not feeling or looking beautiful and feminine became my reality. The last straw for me was when I was at my friends house and my hair just came out in clumps! It was like a horror show and I wanted the world to just swallow me up entirely!
Many times I would selfishly think how much my life would be easier if I wasn't here and I wouldn't have to go through the pain and suffering whilst trying to navigate through this hair loss journey. So I went to the doctor and he told me that I have alopecia. "It's an autoimmune disease where your immune system attacks the hair follicle," he politely said. "Unfortunately there isn't any known factors as to why this happens and sometimes there is no cure!" he continued. In my head I was incredibly confused and I had no idea what this condition was.
So I took a little research into my own 20 year old hands and at that moment I needed something to hide this condition fast. After months of late nights I obsessively came across the idea of buying a wig! At the time I thought a wig would make my hair loss stand out more but oh my goodness was I mistaken!
Lace fronts, 360 lace, full lace, silk tops, human hair blend, bleached knots, transparent lace and the list goes on! My mind was blown with all this new information as well as finally realising that all these celebrities who have the most amazing hair were actually wearing wigs! My whole world took a huge turn around and that's when I bought my very first wig!
I remember that feeling of relief! Immediately I felt feminine and pretty and I even received so many compliments from people who had incredible hair lines! However it was always temporary and I had to take the wig off at the end of the day.
I finally plucked up the courage to brave the shave as I was sick and tired of trying to hold onto this little hair that I had left. So out of frustration I picked up an old bic razor and shaved it all off! No words could describe the feeling of relief and sadness that I was feeling at that moment! Although it was a relief I was also shocked to find that my family was incredibly supportive... I was completely stuck for words because that was the hardest part - breaking the ice BALD!
For years I suffered in silence and secretly wore a wig and nobody knew! Being a bald women became the norm for me and after taking time to reflect on freeing myself from this dark experience I nurtured the positives rather than the negatives and therefore I was ready to step up and help others!
Fast forward to March 2020 (27 years old) I started an Instagram page to talk about wigs and review the wigs that I had at the time. Little did I know an influx of people just like me reached out and that was the moment where I no longer felt alone! months after I was then asked to review wigs from many other wig companies which was an absolute dream of mine! Quickly after I became a model for Missguided, representing the hair loss community and celebrating hair loss as beauty rather than an illness! I was then featured in a Pick Me Up and a Pop Sugar article, raising more hair loss awareness! I had thousands of people write to me about their hair loss story and every single message had an element that I solely related to. All these amazing women had their own stories and many still to this day suffer in silence!
From that point I had the urge to build something much bigger, not only for myself but for my family and the community who supported me through this transition of confidence! My very own wig business. Wigs have played an extremely massive part in my life and reviewing wigs is where it has gotten me today! I often think where my life would have turned out if I didn't have hair loss. I know for certain that I would never have had the opportunities I have experienced but most importantly I don't think I'd be the person that I am today!
After all of the suffering of what I can only describe as a deep depression, it surprises me to say this but if I had the choice of having my hair back, I simply wouldn't! Wow the relief of even writing this is crazy! But I can strongly say that even though this journey has absolutely had it's ups and downs, I wouldn't change it for the world! Don't get me wrong when I'm in my PJs and I'm looking a mess, I do sometimes avoid the mirror but sometimes I do look at my reflection and think to myself how far I have become!
Hair does not define beauty! Whatever circumstance or point you are at in your hair loss journey, please know that you are not alone! Roughly there's 8 Million women in the UK who experience hair loss and approximately 320 million people in the U.S! I can imagine there is an unspeakable amount of people worldwide who have experienced some form of hair loss.
So as I am sat here in my PJs writing this little blog, touching on a little spec of my alopecia story, words can never truly describe the difficult times that I have faced and nor do you have the time or would want to read for days but I would like to say to the reader that if you are suffering in silence or embracing your hair loss freely, you are beautiful and you are a queen. It has taken me a while to truly believe that hair might be an addition to someone's beauty in the eyes of society but it is not what defines it! Please learn to love yourself and own your bald elegance.
Bald is fierce and it's feminine!